​Ideas for facilitating contact when a parent is long-distance

Sometimes it is unavoidable to have a residence in another state or a residence that is many miles away from your child(ren)'s primary residence. Here are some things you can do to stay as connected as possible:

• If your children are in school, find out about school events and extracurricular activities directly from the source - especially if you have difficulty getting that information from the other parent. If you know the times of activities and practices, etc., you will be better able to determine the time for your phone calls.
• If you can, set up a specific day/time to call. Use video communication instead of just telephone calls.
• Keep a journal to document your calls and important things you want to remember to tell your child(ren), or things that you learn about them.
• Send photos, letters and/or cards.
• Don't wait for the other parent to let you know about things, be proactive. Sign up for any parent portals or school e-mail lists, and make sure you receive grade reports.

Oklahoma Law allows both parents to have school and medical information about your child(ren) unless there is a protective order. Even though you may reside far away, you can still be present and receive important information about your child(ren).

​Do you have difficulty communicating with and exchanging information with your ex?  Do you wish there was a way to have written messages checked for negative content before sending?  There is a program called "Our Family Wizard" you might want to learn more about.  There are messaging and calendaring features for children's activities and parenting schedules.  Having this information available in one location could help reduce misunderstandings.  You can give your attorney access to monitor the communication. They have a military discount and also an application process for people with financial hardship.    A "tone meter" alerts the sender to language that could be perceived as improper or upsetting to the recipient, so there is an opportunity for he sender to change it.  Sometimes a written message comes across in a way that was not intended, so the "tone meter" might help with that issue.  

I want to be sure you are aware your Divorce or Child Custody case appears online in Oklahoma.  The Oklahoma Supreme Court Network (www.oscn.net) maintains a website with public information about all Divorce and Paternity cases filed in Oklahoma. Many counties scan pleadings and orders, so anyone with internet and a device can read most of the documents filed in your case.  Children should not be reading the documents from your case file, so if your child is computer savvy and curious this could be an issue. Some courts are reluctant to seal cases; however, there is a legal procedure to seal your court documents from public online view.  ​In contrast, Guardianships and Adoptions are automatically sealed and are not public record.  

In 2007, a prominent business owner going through a highly contested divorce went on a trip.  While he was gone, his soon to be ex-wife allegedly found child pornography on his computer.   She still had access to his house and computer during the divorce process.  Police were notified, and ultimately the man was arrested and charged with multiple felony counts.  He spent a tremendous amount of money on computer experts (and attorneys) in his effort to prove his innocence. At the trial, he was able to show she planted the images, and got custody of his children.  This took a toll on him personally and professionally.  It's difficult to imagine the stress he went through after being charged with a crime of this nature.  Let this be a lesson to always be on your guard.  Change your passwords and be careful about your ex or estranged spouse having access to your home and computer. This actually happened in Connecticut.